In keeping with The Bug's personality in utero, he only smiles when the camera is:

A) Across the room
B) Saving the last picture I took

In utero, he only kicked when nobody was watching, and would stop the moment someone put their hand on my belly.

***

Today, I fed him and put him in the swing. He sat there, swinging, chattering to himself, while I ate breakfast. I got down next to him and he smiled at me, this enormous delighted smile. I set up the swing next to the bathroom and got undressed to shower.

And he started to cry.

The running shower water looked so nice that I almost ignored him.

I guess I could check his diaper, I thought.

The shower was not to be for a long time. There was poo everywhere. Eh-very-where. The kind of diaper where you get him up on the changing table and you don't know where to begin. You get a wipey and start randomly swiping at parts of his body. It looks self-perpetuating. The more you wipe up, the more appears. And once you've cleaned a leg, you find that one of his hands has found its way into a pile of poo, and there is poo between fingers and also in his hair where the hand flew a second ago.

This is not a job for wipeys.

You do your best and you start preparing a bath. The sink is full of dishes, so you stack these precariously somewhere else. In my case, you pray your father-in-law does not come home from golfing in time to see this.

Once in the bath, the kid is fine. His kicks make little splashes and he is fascinated by this. There is poo behind his ear.